I used to think I had it all together.
Of course I would have never admitted that. That would not be a humble answer. I also don’t even think I really was that self aware of this fact.
I think I functioned that way though, or tried to. In my dishonesty with myself, I thought that I was in control of more of my life, immune to many sins, and not fully owning certain character flaws.
It’s frickin’ hot.
Florida is full of holiday goers and half a yearers’ who’ve left their roots for sand and golf, which in my opinion gives it a transient culture-less feel. I did the college “spring breaks” to certain Florida beaches and I was not impressed with the tack.
To top it off, Florida is full of alligators, cockroaches and an assortment of other creatures that could eat or terrorize you. (I have lived in the UK a long time and I keep switching.. terrorize? Terrorise? Which is it?)
No sir. Florida was not for me.
Which is why my move to Florida for this year has been filled with such horror by me and amusement by those who know me.
I am on a great leadership program for work. Coming here was not my first choice though. It was a brought on by hard circumstances.
In the kind of leadership we are looking at, the way to lead is to lead from your brokenness, and honesty. It has been a year of exploring your story.
Now, coaches and personal development plans and every kind of leadership tool you can imagine are drawn in to our lives. (ENFP, Strategic, Woo, Ideation, something, something Strengths Finder, Enneagram 2 wing 3 and a Berkman analysis that is still over my head if ANY of that makes sense to you and you love all of those business development tools created by social scientists and psychologists!)
But the meat of the year has been story. My story. Everyone else’s story. Looking honestly at story. Owning story.
The good, the bad, and the ugly.
I am shaped by story. So is everyone else. And you know what?
I don’t have it all together.
It’s been a rude wake up call. I didn’t start to realize that this year. But this year I have had the time and space to explore that more. What’s worse is I had no idea how deep the rabbit hole went. I try to make life function and work well and I do it in ways that will hurt others and myself.
What life events have shaped who you are and how you relate to others, yourself, God, the Gospel?
I know some of this will make no sense to the non-God followers who read. Keep reading. (Please? I mean you don’t have to!) I promise my rambles are applicable to you too.
Awakening Sardis is a phrase that lodged itself in my head a long time ago and I bring it with me. It’s about waking up from deadness and finding real life. My year of story exploring has only just started to open up my mind to how much we need that. All of us do, so desperately.