The older I get the more I don’t understand. I see more brokenness and complications and questions of why in the world, in people I care about, and in my own life.
But I know that God is good. I sometimes fight him on that. But I always come back to knowing He is good.
A friend who is like a dad figure to me told me a few months ago when asking for marriage advice… “how do you know?” kinda questions. “The shit will hit the fan.. and when it does.. do you want to be with this person?”
Wise. Blunt. Wise. I laughed. I have seen some friends who are married suffer much in the past, and much even this year. I have resonated more and more with that quote. Life will be unpredictable and hard.
We cannot control it.
Bad, painful things happen.
In marriage.. the commitment to one another when those things happen, not if is crucial. (Says the single girl.. hey I think preparing yourself for things mentally early is healthy and wise!)
What is even more significant (and I would say along with Lindsay who I will soon let you read..) is an anchor in knowing God’s goodness even in the midst of the worst of the worst.
Lindsey and I went to university together. She was two years older than me. So we were more acquaintance friends than close. I was better friends with her brother who was in my year. Lindsey and her husband are newly married. They got pregnant with their first child, a little girl they have named Sophie about 8 months ago. Unless God interrupts the natural order and does a miracle.. it is likely their little girl will not live much past her birth. Lindsey has been blogging through their journey and she posted this about why they decided to carry Sophie to term. It will melt your heart and bring tears to your eyes… Pray for them with me. I recommend you read her other posts. Raw. Honest. Real.
And just when I think I have successfully convinced Americans that England is not all fairy tales, high tea in castles and cutesy old fashioned tea parties all the time…
I venture off to weird parts of the world all the time and often spend my summers some place other than I live.
I know I live a weird life to a lot of my friends who have more 9-5 jobs back in my city. Working for a non profit was not the plan I had when I left university but it has taken me on so many adventures I am grateful for.
The last month I was able to do 4 sprint masters level bible college classes for my “work.” Some of you might think a bunch of bible classes would be boring (it’s not) others realize it is such a privilege I can do that for a little job break. I am grateful for the time and the support to be able to do it. Professors dropped in from RTS and Southern and Talbot and Trinity as well as a few in house lecturers.
The theme of this year has been learning to pause. Stop doing. Rest. Meditate on the Lord. I am good at going 100 miles per hour and not good at stopping and resting. Being in a new place with the classes I had the last month just gave me the breather and discipline to pause a bit. It was still very full mind you. I had assignments, and sermons to give, essays to write and a lot of reading due most days. But I am learning that I don’t need to fill my time. I don’t need to self justify myself by being “busy.” (We are so bad at that in the US particularly, and the UK too). What does it mean to work well and then stop? Jesus is my justification. It is salvation and has implications into the mundane as well.
The biggest part of the summer was probably spending time in my Biblical interpretation and communication classes looking at the fallen condition of a passage of scripture. We are so not like the heroes in the Bible.. we are most likely like the unfaithful, the broken ones, the ones who sin the most and disobey God the most. What does it mean to see my own brokenness and need of a Saviour in the pages of the Bible? What does it mean then to see my fallen condition and the redemptive solution that is to be found in Jesus.
Jesus has been made so much sweeter by the last month.
I’ll probably write some more about that soon.