Month: April 2013

I want this to be true of my life…. “those who realize the depth of their brokenness and are clinging all the more tightly to Jesus.” 


“The gospel is not the ABC’s of Christianity; it is the A to Z of Christianity. When we forget the gospel, we cheat our disciples. We give the impression that being a follower of Jesus means becoming less broken, less sinful, less hopeless. So we create a caste-system-Christianity: there are the really broken people (unbelievers), the pretty broken people (young believers), and the people who have learned to pretend they’re not broken (mature believers).

Not only is this blatantly unbiblical, it is contrary to common sense. Jesus said that those who are forgiven much will love much (Luke 7:47). The mature Christians are not those who are less broken, but those who realize the depth of their brokenness and are clinging all the more tightly to Jesus”. – Bob Thune

Hi friends. It’s been awhile but we still are journeying through The 30-30 Series   Thanks for pausing for a moment to think with me. 

In my post a week ago few months ago I admitted I had developed a swearing problem and a heart that felt wrecked beyond despair. I wrote:

     “I have seen parts to my soul I did not know existed until this year and my heart is weary. I would cry when reading this quote if I wasn’t already so cried out from this week. I have never given up before and really when I read this I want to swear at it and and say.. here’s the towel.. I am throwing it in.. I give up. Everything I once believed.. I don’t know if I can stomach it any more. Restoration is what my heart wants more than anything in relationships. Forgiveness has to work. I’ve seen it work before to horrible situations. I know it’s possible. But the part of me that has loved so much this year I have come to hate… thinks.. F- it. It’s not possible any more. I hate that word. So so much….” 


The hole of despair was deep that week. Sorrow, anger and despair has ebbed and flowed a lot in me in the months past. I am better at the moment. I’m even feeling happy. Healing is always an ongoing process. Heart change is an ongoing process. Today fear flogged my heart. A seeming unsuspecting train of fears began to surface and hit me like the Polar Express’s silent visit. Where did that come from? The F-word one month. Fear the next. Difficulties in forgiveness another. 

I know I am not alone in heart troubles, sins, patterns, addictions, or attitudes that we all would like to change.  

I talked about “How people change”  in #17 in this series. I proposed that the hope of change was promised by God in ancient times. He promised he would take our hearts of stone and give us soft hearts that would want to please him. His method of this heart change was to provide 1.)  a way of being forgiven and brought into relationship with God, 2.) a way to honour his holiness and justice as rightful ruler of humanity, 3.) and the capacity for the human heart to actually be changed. 

I have heard it said that “the heart is deceitful above all things.” In the same wise book of Proverbs: “above all else, guard your heart (from sin) for from it flow the streams of life.” The wise writer is challenging us that much of what is wrong with us actually begins in our hearts. Bad starts within us. 

My proposal to you on the power to change begins here:


1.) People change by looking to God for change. 
    God promised in ancient times to the people of Israel that he would take their hearts of stone and replace it with a heart of flesh: ie a heart that would be soft towards God and desiring change. How often is part of our problem that we don’t even want to change or see the problem?

2.) People don’t change by looking to themselves. 
    Are you kidding me? You think you can change yourself? Good luck.

3.) People change by coming to an end to our resources and the thought that we can fix ourselves.
    Stop. Just admit it. You are stuck. Broken. Sinful.
    I am fearful. 
    Angry. 
    Proud. 

4.) People don’t experience lasting change by willing it, thinking it, actualizing it, or getting in touch with any mythical powers within themselves.
     All of that “Secret” mumbo jumbo that Oprah talks about is a myth. You might change  for a bit but it won’t last. Often people switch one addiction for another (alcohol abuse for pride for example.) The self actualization movement has no power to bring lasting change in anyone’s life. You don’t have any mysterious powers within you to fix yourself. You only have the power to get yourself into a deeper mess. You are a large part of the problem. 

I am so tickled.

This week I am taking holiday time.

I’m not going anywhere.

I am not going abroad, or even to another city.

I don’t have grand plans.

I am just going to be still and rest.

I suck at resting. It is definitely not my strong point in life.

So this week I will take 5 days off and just hibernate. Hide from the world. And take a holiday with me, maybe by the sea, but it will be a time to rest for the weary. A time for the soul to be still.

(I live by the sea). (It won’t be warm.)

I am planning on hiding from people a bit. I am going to write. Songs, blogs, music, poetry. Maybe bust out my paints. Read the Bible a lot. Maybe get back into Count of Monte Cristo. No where to run. No where to be. Ditch appointments and urgency. I am just going to chill out. I am so bad at it. I am looking forward to it so much.

Just found this song and band on Aurgasm.Us — great music blog for finding new music!