The Air Freshener Fiasco

I thought I would treat myself to an air freshener during the holiday season. 
Mmmmm fresh linen smell in my room. 
Fresh linen in liquid form was nearly was the death of me last night. I had the WORST night’s sleep ever. Do NOT try this at home kids! 
The last time I had actually plugged it in was a week ago when we had a houseful of guests. Mmm yummy smell throughout the house. A roast downstairs on the go due to Rosie the wonder chef who swept in from Norfolk with her culinary magic to cook a meal for 15 in our house, and fresh linen seeping out of my bedroom upstairs. I had unplugged it on the departure of the guests to savour it for the next special occasion and the plug it lay on my wood floor in my bedroom next to the outlet I swap hairdriers and straighteners and my phone charger and computer charger in and out of. I had plugged in my phone last night for a few hours and went to pick it up and set my alarm for morning before I climbed into bed. 
The back of the phone was wet. 
The plugin had leaked a spot of fresh linen all over the wooden floor and had gotten on the phone cover. 
Me, trying to clean it off, in a daze before bed made the foolish decision to wipe it dry on the orange trekkie bottoms (sweatpants for you Americans) I was wearing and plop onto my bed and fidget with my phone alarm clock.
Immediately I realized my folly. BIG  MISTAKE. The oil coming from those lil things is not subtle stuff. It transferred from my phone to my hand to my sweats to the inside of my sheets as I swung the now linen-ized scented leg into my bed and let the duvet fall over the now odor emitting orange sweats. Before I could finish setting my alarm I was gagging from the potency of the scent on my hands alone. I rushed to the bathroom and scrubbed them twice with soap trying to clean them off. 
As I returned to my bed I sniffed my hands. Putrid chemical linen smell (why didn’t it smell this awful to me before?!) oozed its stench from them. The hand washing session felt futile. As I got back into bed.. the scent rose from my sleeping clothes, from my sheets. Oh I am going to be ill. I wonder if this stuff is poisonous? Grabbed the laptop. Googled. Yep. I might die from some sort of cancer. 
I decided against the changing of clothes and sheets (at this point my hand still smelled so bad I knew remaking the bed would just transfer the scent over anyways.) and attempted to sleep shoving my nuclear reaction of a hand under my pillow and hoping the scent would be covered. The rest of the night was spent being woken up coughing or gasping due to the shock of the awfulness of the scent as it came from my hand or came from my sheets as I shuffled in bed. 
Never again. 

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