How to Not Flatter a Woman (and get yourself rejected)

This was an actual conversation I had this weekend: 

Guy: Hey I have seen you at my gym!! Do you go to ______? 

Me: Yes I do. Hi, what’s your name? I’m ___.

Guy: Are you single? Can I have your number?

Me: Um yes I am.. and Um, I am not sure.

Guy: Give me your number.

Me: I’ll think about it.

Guy: Whyyyy?! Please can I have your number? What if I give you my number? Then you give me yours. I want to take you out. 

Me: I am only interested in dating a guy who loves and is following Jesus. So if you aren’t, then no I will not give you my number.

Guy:

I leave the room, a few seconds later he acosts me while I am standing with a couple friends.

Guy: So when can I take you on a date?

Me:  Um.. well..
Me: No I will not go on a date with you. I am really serious about the only wanting to date a guy who loves Jesus thing.

Guy: I’m not a Christian but I can pretend to be for you. (or something like that.. it was getting funny and desperate by then and my friend was looking like she wanted to die laughing overhearing this). 

Guy: I want to ask you questions! I have to get to know you.

Me: No it doesn’t work that way. I am only interested in finding a guy who is really serious about following Jesus.

Me: If you want to ask me questions, you can come to the places I salsa dance with my friends. Here these are my friends Chris and Megan, they are dance teachers. You can ask me any questions there, but not on a date. <introductions made.. Megan doing a mildly okay job holding in her laughter)

Guy: Why won’t you go on a date with me?

Me: I don’t like to lead guys on. I like to be straightforward with people. 

Guy: So do you find me attractive?

Me: You are not getting me, I find what a guys relation to Jesus is one of the most attractive things about him so if you aren’t following Jesus, then no.

Guy: So about me physically. Are you attracted to me?

Me: You are missing hearing what I am saying.

Guy: Girl! With a body like yours I just HAVE to take you on a date!

Me: See I am actually interested in finding a guy who cares about my heart as much as just what I look like.


I finally dismiss myself because this is clearly getting no where and he is getting agitated.

Later that evening I walk past him again and said a kind hello to acknowledge him, he ignored me, and simultaneously quite rudely and purposefully knocked into my shoulder nearly throwing me off balance and didn’t apologize.

Sheesh.

Way to sweep a girl off her feet.

What Guys Can Learn from This: How to get yourself rejected:

1.) Be only interested in what a girl looks like. (We can pick up on this)
2.) Ignore what she is saying.
3.) Don’t listen to her (especially what she says is important).
4.) Be rude.
5.) A girl is a body and not a person after all.
6.) Aim for getting a date like a rugby player plowing through a field of violent men for points and not like we are gentle women with hearts and feelings and emotions or anything of the sort.
7.) Don’t entertain us with laughter, anything of character, find out about our interests or who we are as a person.
8.) Only care about one thing.
9.) Treat us like objects.
10.) Show us your true character by treating us without dignity when we say no.

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