My Friday Night All by Myself

I have been here in Ireland about 4 weeks. I have had a couple friends come visit me here. I have joined a cha-cha/salsa class. Some of the people I work with are on holiday. I haven’t really been able to join a church yet for a variety of reasons (mostly having to do with awkward transportation troubles when I first got here) – I visited a couple but none of them know me yet. 

So I don’t really have friends here. 

I was invited by one of my co-workers who is away on holiday to an event in the city: prayer, and a worship band and hearing some guys stories how they met Jesus. I drove the half hour or so there. Had my car out front and parked. Actually sat there with the engine running 10 minutes or so. Bottled it and decided I couldn’t go in and meet new people by myself and left. 

I know. As a Christian, a prayer event would be a great event to walk into. They aren’t exactly going to be scary (though I get how scary they can be if you aren’t a Christian or new to your faith). I just totally bottled it. 

Most of you probably think of me as the queen of extroversion with friends coming out of my ears. But the reality is I have a big shy streak I am able to mask most of the time. Tonight, even though I have been working by myself all day long, I just couldn’t go in and meet new people by myself again. 

So I drove to a cute cafe I discovered a few weeks ago and ordered a glass of wine and appetizer and read a book instead. I know that some of you are thinking that would be more intimidating. It’s eating by yourself. On a Friday night. The cafe by this hour had the lights dimmed and candles out so it was quite romantic and I could see people on awkward dates (at least the couple most in my viewpoint were – I couldn’t tell if they had JUST met and it was a first date and were just socially awkward, or if they were mad at each other and not speaking much). But I am okay on my own. I can read a book. I can have a nice glass of wine. Going and saying hi to new people sometimes just feels… 

so intimidating. 

Not sure why that is. 

I like people. 

I generally find that people like me. 

But sometimes.. the fear takes over and you find yourself by yourself on a Friday night reading a book in a romantic cafe knowing we were meant for community but not sure you quite want to make the effort. Don’t feel bad. I ended up having a nice chill night. Wrote a good portion of a new song. Came home and started learning a Jason Mraz tune. All in all it wasn’t bad. But going to meet total strangers? 

Sometimes we just want to be pursued instead. 

Don’t we all? 

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