"If ya wanna be my lover*.. ya gotta get wit my friends" – How to Get a Date with Me

Who can sing every single word to that wonderful 90’s song that the Spice Girls gave us?

“Me me me me!” Hahaha.

It’s true. I am surrounded by a lot of great friends and I knew a long time ago if a guy wanted to be serious about me he’d have to basically woo them too. Hey man, they have a girls back. 🙂 lol. I like to live IN community and not be an island. (Kbs’ rap Lighter Fluid now floating through my head) 

But I realized something else tonight as I was reading yet another article by Mark Driscoll (a pastor from Seattle I read and drink his sermons like water) and had read an article from a website called The Resurgence and quoted the guy who wrote it Brandon Anderson and got 19 likes already for his cheeky comment. I will settle in tonight to read a bit of JI Packer (a very old English pastor who lives in Canada). Tomorrow I will probably listen to a sermon by someone like Tim Keller or John Piper. Or maybe my home church pastor Joe Coffey in Ohio.

If a guy wants to date me.. “he gotta get wit my friends..” and some of them are alive and dead theologians and pastors and thinkers.

I know. Ridiculous. What kinda standards does this girl have?! ha. I realize some of you think I am loco and some are rolling your eyes at me.

But yesterday I realized it was completely true. 

I care about what a guy READS. I care about who is imputing into his life. I care because it matters. These are a few reasons: 

1.) What is IN a man is what comes OUT of him when he is squeezed (ladies too. ) 

We are kinda like grapes. If there is grape juice in a grape, when you crush it, grape juice comes out of it. Except we are highly affected by what we put in our hearts throughout life. When life crushes us does the truth of God come out? Do good things come out or wicked? Do we forgive or lash out in spite? Do we love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us or get even? Do we think we are entitled and lord it over people or are we humble and gentle considering others better than ourselves? 

The kind of men who are attractive are the men who are unshaken by the storms of life because Charles Spurgeon has taught him that the Bible is reliable and a double edged sword to be trusted and relied on. A man who is repentant of sin and not controlled by pornography because Mark Driscoll has challenged him by the Bible that that is what a real man is. A man who is controlled by finding joy in Christ and leads me towards God’s beauty like John Piper exhorts. These are teachers I hope that he has. So when life crushes us.. and exposes what is in us.. it is the fruit of God changing a life through God’s truth and people who point to God’s truth. 

2.) I like to be challenged spiritually. I hope you do to. 

No woman wants to be the leader and have a guy dragging beyond her. Challenge me

3.) These guys (and others) will challenge you to grow up,   love others, love God and be changed by grace. 

Everyone wants to change. Be a better or new person. You can’t do it on your own. It is only possible by God’s Holy Spirit changing you. Look to people who can show you how to connect with him and listen to him and obey him. 

4.) From the guys I know, men need to be challenged my men. These guys are good ones to do it. Who is your role model? 

5.) Because we aren’t good as a species at just osmosing truth on our own out of thin air. Usually when that happens something wack comes out. Think of Joseph Smith or the Buddha. We were meant to live in community. Your community now has access to sermons from all over the world wide web. Get a group of guys, listen to a sermon together and discuss and pray. From a ladies point of view, it’s hot. 

So men, if you are entertaining the idea of asking me on a date, here’s a bit of the regulars:


Love anything by AW Tozer, Charles Spurgeon, Thabiti Anyabwile, Mark Driscoll, John Piper, Louie Giglio, Tim Keller, Barry Cooper, Joe Coffey, Jonathan Edwards, John Owen (though I find him reallly hard to read, so maybe you can explain some of it to me),  current and former home churches listed above, there are a lot of others.. but this is just a list of my personal favourites.. 

I know this is all a bit fun and games. A post on theologians in lieu of my dating habits. But I will say to the ladies. What this has meant practically is a lot of “no I will not go out with you” from me. Politely. But a lot of nos. Not because I have scrutinized a guy’s book shelf. In fact I have never asked a guy who he read before accepting a date with him. I was once nervous about going on a date with a guy who read bad teachers. It turned out I was right to be nervous. I have been asked out a lot by guys here and there, ones I barely knew, on the street, in a bar, at salsa and my answer has been no every time unless he made it clear he was a Christian and loved Jesus. The bottom line is I want to wait for a guy who loves Jesus and is being transformed by the Holy Spirit. It is hard but it is worth the wait. Because that is a very different sort of man. It will become more clear in my 30-30 posts in the future on Marriage and Sex and Men and Women’s roles and the Change Agent post. A book shelf I realized is just a great sign post to the kind of man they might want to be. Not a perfect one, but one who wants to be changed by God and learn to lead a woman. 

           : the sexually abstinent opportunity to woo me and pursue me and date me honourably until we’d be married and then be lovers in that sense 🙂 

3 thoughts on “"If ya wanna be my lover*.. ya gotta get wit my friends" – How to Get a Date with Me”

  1. With you on this one… Except for girls not guys. I remember someone saying something about the two biggest influences in your life are the books you read and the people you hang with. (Might have been Mark Brown.) Anyway, just wanted to say that I find your Theology and standards attractive.


  2. Awesome blog as always Christy. Love you girl! Totally echo every word of this. I thought I was alone in checking out people's bookshelves as an assessment of their character! :p 😉 What we read says a lot about what we're about. You're an inspiration Christy. Thanks for leading the way for all of us single sisters waiting for the right guy! xxx


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