Delay to 30-30: when the rubber meets the road

Funny when you start to say you’ve “learnt” something. Something is “accomplished” or grasped or.. fill in the blank. It’s always when you start to eat your words.

In sports.. I’d nail a jump.. or perfect a spin.. but could I do it when my coach was watching? Welllllllll….The same has proved true in all the dances I have worked on.. before I left Newcastle I was nailing the on2. I was flying fine in Gareth and Lossie’s class that was way above my level. It was all we had available in our region. 4 months later after not being on the dance floor much in America, a very short time back in Newcastle, now finishing out my time away in Ireland.. on2 was hard yesterday and all the progress I had made in Feb, March, April.. seemed to have disappeared. It was nailed. How many practices in a bar, on the street, in my kitchen did I have… and yet.. when the rubber meets the road.. or the pressure is on.. sometimes.. those things we learn seem to vanish..

This post is not about my dancing however fun as that is. Dancing is like icing on a cake. I think I’ll write about dancing as my 31st life lesson. But the things I am talking about are real things that sew things like dancing in life together. Big things. Those life lessons I started writing about in April.. the biggest life lessons that have shaped and tipped my life upside down.. the beautiful ones ie.”love people”, the hard ones, the life changing ones. They are the things I could rattle off in a heart beat. And I did.. I made a preliminary list of 30 things before I started the series. It was a full thirty. I had to cut a few to trim it.

But then you get bumps in the road. The instructor is watching. Painful things happen. You say: “Really..? Do I want to write about that?” “Have I “learnt” it yet?” “Do I get it even?” Forgiveness. Redemption. Brokenness. Some of the biggest lessons.. that cut most deeply..the things we need.. also come from the deepest wounds and when those are hit again.. you think.. “mayyyyybe I don’t get that..” “maybe I don’t believe that..” “maybe it is too hard.” 

But actually.. my silence in my 30-30 series and the bumps that have left me pondering and not writing have proved something to me. (I am not really a verbal processor at all despite being an extrovert. I work it all out in my head first.) The time has pushed me to evaluate the biggest lessons I “know” in life and my conclusion for you as some of them have been wobbled lately is not that I don’t know them, not that they aren’t true. But that some lessons you learn. And are true. And bumps in the road make you learn it all over again. 

But in a deeper way. 

Your buttons get pushed. 

Do I really believe in forgiveness?

How can you forgive when _______ happens to you? 

That I am in need of forgiveness as much as the worst person I know? 

That I need to forgive the things that have been done to me that have hurt me the most? 

And that there is never an exception? 

So.. 30-30 stopped around 11.. and despite the wobbles.. I am going to start again from there.. and invite you to follow me.. wobbly in all of it.. and look at the biggest lessons I have learnt in the last 30 years. That are real and honest and true even when we wobble. And you will wobble on the things you learn in life. It doesn’t make them less true. 

In fact, I am learning the reality of them-my need for them-their foundation to life- the most when I wobble and falter. 

I don’t have them perfected.. I won’t have them perfected in this life time.. but they are the real things that will shape me and change me and give me an anchor when the storms brew throughout this life… 

So here we go.. 

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