Hasn’t happened yet. In 11 days I will learn how to be a single parent. Very suddenly. Or rather, the super nanny. Or let’s be honest. I have babysat a grand total about about 6 times ever. And a horror story about 6 years ago scarred me for awhile and included the children breaking my glasses (by throwing a vacuum cleaner part at my face), nearly breaking the computer, destroying the house, fighting – a lot, and the 6 year old going the big D and then SMEARING IT ALL OVER THE WALLS as I tried to get him out of his pooey clothing. And then his little sister trying to PLAY in it while he ran around the house naked and wouldn’t let me put clothes back on him.
Scarred for life. So where was I? Oh yes.. 11 days I will be the ….
The massively not-so-super-nanny.
My brother and sister in law have two wonderful little boys (who so far in their existence have never terrified me so much as that one off babysitting job) who are 1.5 and 3. I have volunteered to let mom and dad go away for the weekend whilst I watch them.
Yes. That is three days and two nights with me and small people. I have only changed pee nappies so far. I help feed them. I help brush their teeth. I change their clothes. I change their diapers. But so far.. only pee.
And I have the weakest stomach on the planet? What if it’s bad?!?! What if I puked on one of my adorable nephews while changing them?! I’d be the worst aunt ever!
And then there are so many other things that can go wrong. Nephew #2 likes to eat things. Anything. So far his repertoire includes dirt, lots of bugs, poo. I think his main method of learning things is mouth. Anything goes straight into his mouth. What could he ingest on my watch?! Terrifying. And then thinking I’d have to fish it out.. I mean.. I can’t just let him EAT a spider. But Lord, I scream and make other people come to my room to take care of them still in the house. Yes. I am a grown up. Live abroad. And should be able to take care of my own spiders. But… shudder.. they are just so crawly. But if A ate one.. I’d HAVE to fish it out of his chops. Really. It’s the right thing to do.
And then there is nephew #1. I mean. We’re tight. I have gotten to see this lovely 3 year old a good amount in his little life considering I live 5000 miles away most of the time. Holidays, family weddings, sabbaticals, home assignments have just worked in his favour.
But nephew #1 has one massive thing in common with his aunty (other than our baby pictures looking a striking resemblance) He has the stubborn gene that many in my family carry and none so stubborn perhaps as his dear aunty. But this child may give my reputation a run for my money. He has had all day stand offs with food and my sister in law. Who is a good parent and thinks eating junk is not sufficient. The two of them.. small person.. 3 apples high..and my sister in law.. weighing as much as 3 apples.. head to head.. over the pasta and chicken he is refusing to eat.. and hours later.. still crying for cookie instead.. which she is refusing.
I mean.. what if that happens?!!? I don’t have the parental training?! Do I starve my nephew all weekend? What if he IS more stubborn than me and I cave because after all.. he issss adorable and I am totally smitten for these two little cheeky monkeys. What if my brother and sister and law come back to poo on the walls and in A’s mouth and Nephew # 1 surrounded by a bowl full of cookie crumbs cause I couldn’t hold out to his puppy dog eyes and shrieks for COOKIE!!
I mean.. how could you say no to these little guys?!
Time will tell. T-minus 11 days and counting til we find out what kind of a nanny I shall be…
Crash course in mommy training. And then we shall find out if I still hold out to the number of children I want to have… 🙂